Thursday, February 16, 2012

Try an Aspirin Between Your Knees

OK, I've had it. It's time for a bit of a rant.

The Republicans and their attack on birth control has gone too far. They really need to shut the fuck up.  It's not only that the ones talking about it aren't women, it's that they aren't even doctors, and they're talking about medicine. And the ones that are doctors are just out of their damn minds! I'm looking at you, Dr. Ron "Honest Rape" Paul.

I don't give a damn about their religious beliefs. They are irrelevant to a medical discussion. And contraception at this point in modern society is medical. Hell, at this point it's not even contraception. Just like you can take aspirin for a headache or blood clots you can take birth control pills for a lot more than not getting pregnant.

I just got back from Walgreens where I picked up my latest three week supply of birth control pills. I paid $3 for the gas to drive there and back and $26.24 for 21 low dose pills. I have no insurance, but fortunately there is a generic version that doesn't cost that much more than the acid reflux medicine I also have to take every single day. Now why would I, a recluse, need birth control pills, you ask? If I didn't have to go to Walgreens I would never see another live person, let alone a real live man who would be willing to go through the motions of impregnating me. Yet I take a pill every single day that stops me ovulating. The Republicans would probably be appalled that I'm spending Federally subsidized unemployment money on such a vile product.

Well it's none of their fucking business, first of all! Second of all, my doctor in Austin said regulating my hormones is the best way to control my migraines. I guarantee you Rick Santorum has never had a menstrual migraine. Or any other PMS symptoms, like clumsy day, or crying-for-no-fucking-reason-at-all day. I think any man should have to go through that disaster of evolution before his opinion counts. And for the Republicans who also believe in Intelligent Design? Fuck you. There is nothing intelligent about the hideous side effects of sexual reproduction. Fluctuating hormones are a complete disaster. Apparently we got off pretty easy with that though. When I was reading up on animals with striped tails the other day I learned that ring-tailed lemurs have barbed penises to stop the females from having sex with more than one partner because it "alters" them. What the FUCK?! They're primates! Boy am I glad that trait didn't turn up in humans.

I got my prescription for these pills about a year ago when I did have insurance provided by my employer. Since I was 22 and had first migraine and my first gynecological exam I have been required to have an annual pap smear before I can get my prescription renewed. What does cancer on my cervix have to do with controlling my hormones? This is STUPID! It's something I endure gracefully when I have insurance, but when I don't I have to fork over more than $200 to get this prescription renewed. I tried going to Planned Parenthood where I can get a pap smear for only $100. But they refused to write a prescription for birth control for me because I'm over 40. Well fuck you very much! They said there is a risk of blood clots. I have zero risk factors for that. I'm not overweight, I don't smoke, I don't take long plane trips. So I have to shop around for a competent doctor that will agree to write my prescription so I'm not crippled for one week out of every month with debilitating migraines and a very real risk of taking a header down the ladder from my loft. And I have to pay a month's living expenses to make this happen. Every year.

I'm trying to make the point that women are going to get emotional about this discussion. Because we are already fed up with the fucking bullshit we have to go through over this medical fiasco. What does a man have to do at the doctor every goddam year from the age of sexual maturity? Not a fucking thing. That pisses me off! I have had false-positive pap smears three times. I had to endure a cryocautery when I was STILL A VIRGIN because the doctor believed I had abnormal cells on my cervix. He didn't treat a lot of women engineers I guess. Probably just never saw a cervix that wasn't worn down from penile abrasion. He thought I needed to have the surface of my cervix cleaned off with about a minute and a half of contact with stainless steel backed up with liquid nitrogen. May I recommend we have all those men on that panel in Washington have a probe inserted into their abdominal cavity and have liquid nitrogen circulated through it for about 90 seconds? I think they should try a biopsy too, where they get their inner sanctum swabbed with vinegar and then a nice big piece of them way up inside is just PINCHED off with what look like long handled wire cutters. (I can't use the term we use in the electronics lab because it's just too....)

If a man wants birth control he can get a vasectomy for a $15 copay if he has insurance. And it is extremely effective. Did you know that the female version of surgical sterilization fails in 1 in 1000 cases?! That's no better at birth control than the pill I take! And it does nothing to help with menstrual migraines. I would have gotten sterilized in my 20s if there was a good way to do it, but there isn't. And I still would have to take a hormone pill every day or suffer debilitating menstruation symptoms every month. And I am pretty fucking pissed off about that. The whole area of preventing-reproduction health has been run by assholes like these current loudmouths FOREVER and women just have to take it. There is nothing fair about the male-centric medical bias and big-pharma lobby mandated annual tests for women. Apparently we can't get any decent research funding for this stuff. Whoever came up with the idea that women need their uterus scraped out if they don't have a baby is two things: batshit crazy and a man. Show me evidence that's a good idea. And get on that hormone regulation thing. If men had PMS this nonsense would have a vaccine you had to get before you could enroll in college, just like measles.

Is this a shitstorm the Republicans really want to start? They start a war on science and a war on women all the while boo-hooing that there's a war on religion? Well they fucking started it! I am prepared to stand up and speak out for women's health and the abysmal state it's in. And I am ALWAYS ready to stand up for not having children. Please! Stop the breeding! I was prepared to sit quietly and pay my $1.25 a day for a pill that apparently any woman with a job at a Catholic business that provides employee health insurance can get for free. Because it is worth it to not have to work with a bunch of believers. But now they are just all up in my face. Kind of a shame I have zero qualifications to communicate effectively and get anything done about this. But if somebody who has a strategy has a petition I can sign or something.... Let's bring it!

I love Andrea Mitchell at the end of this. :: silence :: "Excuse me.... I'm just trying to catch my breath from that." I wish she'd been on camera. I would love to see her face. It's second best to Barbara Walter's reaction in the Herman Cain interview where he says he'd like to be Secretary of state and Barbara Walter does a double take and shouts, "WHAT?!"

I got this video clip from this article.

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