Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The ugliest thing I've seen in a long time

I saw two tom turkeys trot through my yard this afternoon and I started wondering about shooting them with something besides my camera. I have no income and I need to start exploring living off the fat of the land. I figured I better see what the rules are. So I found the hunting regulations for Georgia, clearly produced for print complete with full page ads. It even makes a page turn noise when you go forward. I got to page 35 and liked to tipped my chair over backwards I recoiled so violently. I had to take a screen shot so you all can be horrified too. As if the clock itself isn't godawful enough they had to put a cherry on top with the Papyrus font headline glowing from behind. (Cursing after the image.)

Now this is me so law abiding that I will look up the rules for shooting wild game on my own property but then I screenshot art out of a public document on the internet for my blog. Well I hate that, but I feel it is a moral imperative to mock this abomination and vent my rant because it is just violently offensive to me. Goddam it that is an ugly fucking clock. I can't believe sighted artists have to hand paint these sculpted artist's resin adornments. Those poor sons of bitches. I'm not entirely sure what it is that makes me so mean -- the old world style oak leaves that look like something I cut out with a knife to decorate a pie crust or the stacked chicken poop trees that are sized to jab those poor deer in the testicles if they back up too fast.

Your satisfaction is guaranteed! Satisfaction? What would be satisfying about a $150 clock with a brass COLORED pendulum? Launching it with a trebuchet then shooting it with a double barrel shotgun? Which I don't have, and therefore can't kill any turkeys, because alas, the rules say shotguns only for them.

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