Monday, April 9, 2012

Extreme Foul and Incredibly Gross

I spent the weekend tearing out cabinets from the Slab Spartan. I want very much to get the floor out of that thing because it is nasty. I think it was parked somewhere very damp for a long time. The people of low standards who owned it just kept using it, patching up the floor enough to not just fall right through when they went to get another can of beer. There were dozens and dozens of those pull tabs on the floor, under the linoleum, everywhere. The modern kind of pull tabs that are meant to stay attached to the can, a special invention for that sole purpose. I don't understand. Why did they pull those off? Why did they throw them on the floor? They didn't want to be told what to do by The Man? It's really pretty weird. I've also found a dozen .22 bullets, 2 buckshot cartridges, 2 wheat pennies, an articulating plastic toy wolf, a German five cent piece, and a Pink Floyd Animals CD. Can anybody identify this wrought iron spoon shaped thing?

The floor in the Spartan is a patched together disaster of boards from old pallets, scraps of plywood, and disintegrating particleboard. I hate peed-on particleboard. It is my mission in life to ban it from my property. The horror of what I cleaned up in my shed after it was abandoned for 20 years is far greater than what I face in the Spartan, so I know I have the strength. Just the same, repressing revulsion takes conscious effort. The unfortunate side effect is terrible nightmares about filth and horror.

While I was taking out cabinets I wantonly destroyed two fiberglass mouse nests in blatant protest of the fertility festival going on in the rest of the world. Rabbits reproduce quickly, but I prefer mice as a symbol of fertility. My sentiments toward them are more in line with my views on human reproduction. I have never hated a rabbit for eating my leather driving gloves right out of my glove compartment.


  1. That was my instinct but when I looked it up I couldn't find anything to confirm that.