The anti-antisocial experiment continues. Tonight I left work on time to go to Book People for Matthew Inman's book signing.
I made friends with a mechanical engineer in the audience after the talk. We had to wait over an hour to get in line for book signing. When we got to this glass case you see behind Matthew Inman in the picture my new friend noticed what was in it -- anatomically correct Chinese figurines demonstrating sexual positions. Kind of perfect since Matthew Inman started theoatmeal.com after a consulting job for a sex toy company didn't work out. He got a lot of page views with quizzes on his online dating site so they wanted something like that. He made a quiz for them but they said it was highly inappropriate. It's called How many baboons could you take armed only with a giant dildo. (I can only take 29.) The sex figurines in the glass case weren't very big though. About the size of a peach pit. If you threw them at a baboon they would just wipe shit on them and throw them back.
My friend had Matthew sign his book "Yes, I am the motherfuckin' Pteradactyl" from the lyrical song of the Pterodactyl. I was not as well prepared. He just wrote The Oatmeal in my book. The book is titled 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides). The eponymous comic is of course a satirical guide, not literal (a topic for another comic). He's not really advocating punching dolphins any more than Jonathan Swift thought a society of racist horses was a good model for English society when he wrote Gulliver's Travels. So I didn't tell Matthew what I learned about dolphins in Ocean Acoustics class. It may have implied I am a humorless idiot who is accusing him of something I'm not. So here's the interesting thing about dolphins' mouths.
I am totally not making this up. It's toxic for skin contact, inhalation, and the gastrointestinal tract. It's not like venom, which you can drink and it's fine. It's got isovaleric acid in it, which is apparently pretty nasty stuff.
Dolphins are so evolutionarily superior to humans it's the natural reaction of an inferior creature to want to punch them in the mouth. They don't call it "only human" for nothing.